DH and i talked, he said, is that psychoshit still there, no it's a woman, is she Irish, no she’s foreign. Ok we will do it. I had to gather a good bit of money together; it was just before Xmas as well so it was a struggle. I didn’t care, I needed an answer, and obviously everything I’ve gone through is just how my life is intended to be. My kids no matter what struggles they bring are my life, I will go to hell and back for them, I will do right by them no matter what. Obviously someone up there where ever there is knew I was strong enough to be trusted with these wonderful kids, they knew id do battle no matter how tough it got. I was blessed with my children and if I have to fight every last corner for them, so be it, I was chosen to do it and I WILL do it.
The day approaches, DH keeps Mr fabulous at home and my friend Siobhan rally’s round to help with Mr fabulous’s school run. I swear this girl is one of the nicest most helpful people you could meet, she is fantastic and I truly would have been so lost without her help throughout the last 2 years.
My mum came to Dublin with me; we bring Lunatic john as every one complaining they hadn’t seen him since hew was a baby. CRAZY JANE’s first assessment was Speech and language. The therapist there and then said very asperger type finding and CRAZY JANE has problems with pragmatic language and idioms. Over all she was doing quite well and was finding her own ways of helping her self to get through her days.
We go for a Chinese to one of our fav restaurants in Coolock, the Jazz. We have a massive buffet dinner until we are almost busting at the seams. My 2 aunties, my 2 cousins and myself, mum, CRAZY JANE, my brother James and Lunatic john. We have a great night, one which both my self and CRAZY JANE badly needed.
The next day is CRAZY JANE’s psychology and OT assessment. CRAZY JANE will not go on her own to the assessments, insists I come, I try not to as CRAZY JANE can use me as one of her avoidance tactics and I did not want that. But no I have to go. I sit at the back. Wow CRAZY JANE can be a cheeky devil at times. No eye contact either. Her attention span is so bad that we have to change rooms as she is distracted by everything. She also demands food every ten min’s and a break. Oh now, look at that, CRAZY JANE is very able to control most situations and I never realised the extent of her dominance. CRAZY JANE is doing really well bar the mathematical section. She also has a lot of problems explaining word’s like secret, thief, hollow etc.
Finally we come to the end, CRAZY JANE is asked to wait out side. The psychologist explained that she is showing in the high category for Asperger’s and ADHD. She will only carry an Asperger’s diagnosis thoe. It was explained, it made sense at the time, I just cant remember the reason now but trust me it made sense. We need an OT assessment now. OT found it very hard to keep CRAZY JANE focussed; again I was dragged along to this assessment as well. I have to say all the staff involved was just lovely. Very friendly, helpful and supportive.
Crazy jane is diagnosed with Asperger’s. She is extremely intelligent, she is functioning is the superior and above average range. Her IQ is 114 - 120. Im gob smacked, honestly and truly gob smacked. I explain all to the psychologist, but she’s dozy, ditzy, how is that possible. The psychologist explained that I was confusing concentration with intelligence. They are very different things. Crazy jane’s processing speed is superior, by the time I have said something, she has heard it and disregarded it as no need for it, then her concentration sways and she forgets it. That is also why Crazy jane starts a conversation and story in the middle, she has already said the start in her head before speaking the rest.
Now my daughter makes sense, now all my questions have been answered. For the first time in years I can sit back and finally say, I now understand my 9 year old beautiful little girl. Im so happy I actually break down in the room. I have never felt so relieved in all my life. Not because she has a label, but because it all makes sense, The last 9 years of my life now finally make sense. I know now that I was never a brutal parent who had a crap relationship with her daughter, clueless first time mother, over bearing, label seeking nutter. I was actually so tuned into her and so connected with her that I just never gave up on her. I knew for years something was not right, it was not very wrong but not right. I was a mother who new better than everyone else about HER child. This was the best but yet hardest day of my life. I had to cope with her diagnosis and yet be happy about it all at the same time, Talk about being all over the place; I didn’t know my arse from my elbow.
She was different in so many ways to other children. People judged her, called her spoilt, manipulative, argumentative, mental, hyper, wilful, all those things. I never disagreed (only with the spoilt comment, that never sat well with me) with them, but I always said to them, yes she’s all that but WHY? I was not blind, I knew she was hard for other people to manage, I knew people didn’t want to be in her company for long. I knew people didn’t understand her, how could they, either did I. It’s just now I have an answer and an explanation for them, so they might try harder with her. They might give her the benefit of the doubt and try to think before they judge her; they might try to give her the time she needs to calm herself down without being too quick to label her as mental or off her head. They might just actually take the time to understand her more.
I asked the OT and the psychologist to explain all their finding’s to Crazy jane. I explained that she is a very confused child about it all, they know why as we had already discussed it earlier into assessment. They have no problems talking to her. I really didn’t want to be the one to tell her as she had been through enough. I reckoned she had earned this level of respect. She had earned the right to be told properly and professionally, I knew she could well handle it too.
I get back to my brother’s house, crazy jane was in the bathroom, I burst into tears, my mum gave me the biggest hug. I had really broken down in her arms. My mum just said, at least now we all can understand her more and help her more. At long last, talk about the right words at the right time. I just say over and over, I always knew mum, I always knew something was different about her, always.
6 comments:
Jen said...
The relief must have been enormous, well done for sticking with her. Best Mum award for you, without a shadow of a doubt. Hugs. Jen
January 6, 2010 8:56 AM
Petunia said...
I'm glad you finally got a definitive answer and know from talking to you that it didn't come as a shock. Will be going through this with Yani soon enough so know how it feels to need that answer. Crazy jane has a great mum and now you can understand her needs better and help her to understand too xxx
January 6, 2010 2:12 PM
Lorna Kane Mahony said...
Awhhh Mands, Im in tears here, What a fantastic mother you really are xoxoxoxoxox
January 7, 2010 11:11 AM
Anonymous said...
Another great blog Mandie. :-) xx
10 minutes ago •
January 7, 2010 1:35 PM
popsie said...
that was an amazing read coolkid, it was like listening to an echoe of recent events in our house. my 12 yr old son sounds just like your daughter, and, the relief you feel i felt just that as well, like it all makes sense now. its not easy though is it when its confirmed two kids are on the spectrum, that made me cry too. i'm glad your mam is there for you xxx
January 8, 2010 2:07 AM
popsie said...
brilliant read coolkid. it echoes recent happenings in our house my 12 yr old sounds just like your child. it is a relief when we get the diagnosis as you said everything then makes sense but it is also upsetting to find a second child on the spectrum even if it is on the milder end. i'm glad you have your mams supportxxx
January 8, 2010 2:20 AM
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