After a few days I’m ready to come home. I’m so excited to get home, to my own house, my own bed and just chill out and enjoy my new baby with my family. The journey home is an hour's painful drive, every bump, turn and minute is agonising, it is like being stabbed in the stomach over and over and over. I get home and there is my brothers, my mum and dad and Crazy jane and Mr fabulous.
Mr fabulous took one look at Lunatic john and tried to push him off my lap, I’m in so much pain that the strength of Mr fabulous is too much for me to handle. I knew Mr fabulous would give a reaction, but I honestly was not expecting that. Mr fabulous wants this baby gone from my lap, gone from HIS mum and HIS sitting room, oooops, oh dear. Maybe after a few days it will settle down said my mum, maybe he just needs to adjust, give him time, he’s only a baby and he’s all confused. You see this part I know, but something told me that Mr fabulous was really not happy with me.
A few days go by, visitors coming and going, I’m really exhausted. Mr fabulous is refusing to acknowledge Lunatic john, he does not want to be in the same room as him, does not want me near him, cannot tolerate even the slightest innocent sound that Lunatic john is making. I’m really devastated, I knew Mr fabulous would react but this was severe, I’m just beside myself trying to figure out how to fix this. My friend Siobhan takes Mr fabulous up to hers a couple of times, my mum also takes Lunatic john while we spend time with Mr fabulous on our own. Nope nothing is making life any easier; the simple fact is that in Mr fabulous's eyes this thing that has invaded his home really should not be here. I read all the web sites, all the books, nothing, I’ve tried it all, and there is no fix to my problem.
I’m finally able to leave the house, this helps a lot, as serious cabin fever had set in. I am not really able to be grounded and stuck in the one place for long periods of time. I know I should not drive but screw it, I have to get out of this house, I have to get away from the whinging, temper tantrums, and yea the whinging, I really just can’t take it. I go shopping, I go for lunch, anything just to get me out of the house, the house that is becoming more like the nut house day by day.
An appointment for an OT assessment comes through the door, great it’s for next week, I’m not ready for this, in fact I’m just not able for this. Off we go, assessment completed, report within 2 weeks and a follow up appointment with Dr George. Oh I’m so not able for that. Crazy jane loved the OT assessment; we have a girl’s day out after, lunch, shopping and cinema. I really needed it too. As I’m so pissed off an email for a face book invitation comes in, again, this face book thing, fine I’m bored, I’m fed up I’ll do it. I log on and my friend Sandra from rollercoaster has sent invites for all of these names I’ve never even heard of, there all from rollercoaster and mums of Autistic kids etc. Ok what do I do, I accept the requests and all of a sudden I’m up to 50 odd friends on my face book, even before I’ve had a chance to add my own actual friends and family. My wall is filled with welcome messages and info on the people welcoming me. Ah hennie's, there she is, Petunia’s, and so on and so on.
Face book is a funny thing, you kind of get addicted, even thou you have very few free hours in the day you suddenly find time you never taught you had for Face book. I’m am now part of a community of people just like me, stressed, concerned, frightened, tired and fed up mums, you see we are fighting a system of therapies, supports, entitlements, education and help for our children and its so exhausting. Every day a letter coming in, denied this, denied that, denied denied denied. We are all fighting for our children, we all know each others battle scars, each others exhaustion, see we all share something, we are all mothers of children with intellectually challenged, physically challenged and differently able’d children, You see you can ask these people a question, it might sound ridiculous to all who have children with no problems what so ever, you might even think, has Maddie D gone off her rocker, what the hell is she rattling on about, these questions are aimed at my friends in autism land, autieland as we call our selves, or as my sister calls us the auttie lollers as we tend to use the letters lol a little too much as she sees it LOL.
I’m hooked on face Book, I even catch up with friends i went to school with and have worked with from years back. Amanda, Pamela, Mary, Lorna, Mags, Jesus names from so far back that you never taught you'd see or hear from them again. Face book became an escape for me, it’s also where i come to get advice or support from the people who know what I’ve just gone through or am going through, these people pick you up in a heart beat as they have actually been there, they have worn the t shirt, and printed up new versions of it. You then start to become friendlier with some more than others, you no longer just share your problems, but you laugh and giggle too, you meet for coffee and just enjoy your time away from autieland. You sometimes forget that you are a real person in autieland, you kind of think your life is just doom and gloom and forget that there is another life outside your front door; you tend to live in a bubble and forget that you can bust it at any time you want to.
Crazy jane's OT report came back, it screamed Aspergers, dyspraxia etc but not a mention of either, hmmmm what’s that about, why haven’t they labelled it. I also see attached an appointment for next week to see Himself, his lordship Mr George. Great, sure why not, I could do with that; life is already out of control so bring it on. I arrange the sitters as you do, I arrange the day off school as you do. I actually need his Lordships help so appointment has come at a reasonable enough time. Yes new school new problems. I notice Crazy jane becoming very attached to ONE child in the school, You know the type who over impose on you, who try way too hard to be your new best friend; you know the type I’m sure. Hmmm sleep over’s on school nights, yea not liking this. Phone calls and txt messages to both me and CRAZY JANE, really not liking this. Ah there it is, the mother is telling me that her daughter and mine are being bullied by Crazy jane's friend. I talk to Crazy jane, she’s oblivious to it all, as I suspected she would be. You see Crazy jane's friend WAS Crazy jane’s new shadow's best friend, ALARM BELLS start to ring.
7 comments:
Andra said...
Great blog Maddy, looking forward to reading the next installment already. xxx
December 30, 2009 7:18 AM
Petunia said...
I don't know how I'd cope if it wasn't for Facebook! It's an amazing community of people who hold you up when you are low, make you laugh when you feel like crying and do it all without a patronising smile or word said without realising the importance of knowing what is said. Often friends an family who can't possibly know how you are really feeling, try to make things better and say things that actually make you feel worse. Not their fault, just they've never had to wear the teeshirt.
Great blog as usual missus xx
December 30, 2009 9:19 AM
jazzygal said...
Oh yes....facebook has sooo much to answer for! lol.....Autie lollers....love it!!
Interesting about Crazy jane's "friendship"...really want to see what happens next. xx Jazzy
December 30, 2009 12:17 PM
Jen said...
Autie lollers is a great name and fab description of our group, I'd be lost without it! Eh, this friendship thing sounds very strange, don't keep us waiting too long to know what happened! Jen
December 30, 2009 12:37 PM
3laine said...
Bit hard to remember life before Facebook! Love the Autie lollers (LOL!) Your blog is becoming the sort of novel I don't want to put down - brilliant! Can't wait to read more about Crazy jane's new "friend" xxx
December 30, 2009 4:24 PM
Anonymous said...
Another great Blog Maddy - so true about Facebook bein able to chat to friends old and new that you never imagined ever seeing again since school
Yesterday at 10:55pm
December 31, 2009 8:41 AM
Anonymous said...
Oh i remember you telling me bout all that, crazy people
poor Crazy jane she needs to move back home to her old friends, my 2 ask about her all the time and torment me to get down for visit. Crazy jane is one of the sweetest kindest girls in the world. we love when shes staying with us on the hols. I really need to log onto face book more
A xx
January 6, 2010 3:42 AM
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